


Nothing Remains

by rubberglue



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-28
Updated: 2012-10-28
Packaged: 2017-11-17 04:57:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/547858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubberglue/pseuds/rubberglue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A 4x11 AU. Mithian's arrow hits Gwen and a gloating Morgana appears to enjoy her victory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing Remains

The crown felt heavy in his hands and he tossed it on his table in disgust. He didn't deserve it. For years, people had been telling him that he would be a better king than his father. More humane, more caring, more just. They had so much faith in him and all he had done was disappoint them. Especially Guinevere. Guinevere who had been nothing but kind, loyal and supportive all these years. Guinevere who he had said he would love forever. Guinevere who he had almost killed. 

"It's not your fault. You couldn't have known that the deer was one of your servants." Mithian had tried to provide comfort but she didn't understand, didn't know all he had done.

Merlin had disappeared with Gwen and Gaius the moment they reached the castle. He had told them to use one of the many empty guest rooms but Merlin had ignored him and carried the unconscious Gwen to his small chambers instead. Watching from the door as Merlin lay Gwen gently onto his bed, as Elyan hovered over her and as Gaius rushed about gathering potions and herbs, he realised that he had no place there. In the chamber were people who loved her, people who would never hurt her. 

After instructing Leon to stay and keep an eye on them, he took one last look at Gwen before he left. 

+

Gwen was tidying up the council room when Arthur slipped in and kissed her cheek.

“Back already?” 

“Were you hoping I would be gone for longer?” Gently, he turned her to him and pulled her into a hug, burying his face in her hair.

“Well -” She giggled as he nuzzled her neck. 

“Admit it, you missed me.”

“The knights were good company, especially Gwa -” She shrieked when he tickled her waist. “Yes, yes. I missed you.”

He grinned and she responded with a grin of her own. “I missed you too.”

+

There were so many things that needed to be done but he felt paralysed. All he wanted to do was to sit with Gwen and wait for her to wake. But that was the one thing he couldn’t do. How could he face her ever again?

As it turned out, he couldn’t avoid everything. Mithian stood outside his room, her face full of concern. He supposed he might have felt some guilt but at the moment, all his emotions and thoughts revolved around Gwen.

“Are you alright?” Mithian reached for him but he avoided her touch. Confusion crossed her features. 

“I am very sorry but perhaps you should return home.” It was sudden, cruel even, especially after he’d led her to believe that perhaps they had a future together but he couldn’t continue to lead her on. He couldn’t pretend he wanted to spend his life with anyone who was not Gwen. 

“I know you are upset at almost killing your servant. I understand. Let me be here to support you.” She stepped closer to him and he moved away. He didn’t deserve comfort. Anyone would be lucky to have someone like Mithian offering support and on some level, he appreciated her concern but now, with what he had done, having Mithian here in the castle was just wrong. 

“I can’t marry you. I’m sorry. Truly.” The words came out with less tact than he wanted but they were honest - possibly the first time he had been truly honest with her. 

She tensed and took a step away from him. He braced himself for her anger. There was no doubt he deserved it.

Her voice cool and controlled, she asked, “Just like that, it’s over? What about the lands?”

“I’m willing to give you the disputed lands if it will keep the peace between our kingdoms. I have no desire to start a war. It may not be enough of a gesture but it is all I can offer.”

An uneasy silence fell between them. Finally, Mithian spoke up. “It’s the servant girl, isn’t it? She’s more than a servant. Much like Merlin is more than a servant.”

“She is everything.” 

+

Hushed whispers surrounded her and her head was pounding. When she tried to move, pain shot through her. Then some memories returned and she panicked - had Morgana captured her? Struggling, she sat up and looked around. Merlin’s room. Tears blurred her vision. Morgana must have taken Camelot. Why else would she be back?

Someone moved and she turned her head slowly to look. 

“Gaius.” Her voice rasped, due to the lack of use.

“Gwen! How are you feeling?” The old physician made his way to her as fast as he could. “I’m so relieved that you’re awake.”

Merlin emerged from behind, a smile on his face although his eyes were sombre. “Gwen.”

“Merlin! Is everything alright?” Again she struggled to sit up but the pain was unbearable and she couldn’t stop her tears from falling.

“Hey, don’t. Don’t move. You’ll burst your stitches!” Merlin rushed to her side. “And everything is fine now that you’re awake.” He pushed her hair from her face and smiled fondly down at her. The tension in her eased a little.

“Morgana hasn’t taken over Camelot?”

“No. She’s still out there but for now, everything is fine.” His warm hand wrapped around hers. “I missed you.”

“Oh Merlin.” And she was gathered in a gentle hug as she sobbed into his shoulder.

+

Over the day, almost everyone came to visit her - Elyan, the other knights, her friends. Everyone except Arthur. No one talked about him. She didn’t dare ask. Perhaps Merlin had snuck her back into Camelot behind Arthur’s back. She wasn’t sure because her memory of anything after the bandits attacked the village she was in was incomplete and fuzzy. Even her injury, serious as it seemed to be, was a mystery to her. It was yet another topic everyone avoided. 

Sleep didn’t come easy for her that night. Images plagued her but nothing she could put her finger on. There was something she needed to do, something important, but like the rest of her memories, it flitted at the edges of her mind, refusing to come into focus. In the end, she spent most of the night lying in Merlin’s bed, memorising what she could of the room. She would have to leave again. Who knew when she would ever return again?

She was deep in thought when the door opened. Even in the darkness, she knew exactly who it was. 

Arthur hesitated in the doorway. Could he hear her pounding heart, she wondered. When he started to move towards her bed, she quickly shut her eyes and tried to even her breathing. Maybe it was cowardly, but she just wasn’t ready to deal with him. And she suspected, since he was visiting in the dead of the night, he felt the same way.

For a while, he just stood next to the bed. The temptation to open her eyes to stare at him, to reach out and touch him was overwhelming. She had missed him so much. She missed Camelot too, her friends, her brother but she was painfully aware that she had made her bed and now she had to lie in it. When his fingers touched her face, she trembled. There was so much love and tenderness in his touch that hope flared briefly in her.

He held her hand in his, his thumb softly stroking her palm. "I am so sorry, Guinevere." 

What was he apologizing for? But she was loathed to break this moment.

For most of the night, Arthur sat with her, hand holding hers, muttering the occasional apology, voice thick with unshed tears. There was no way she was going to be able to sleep now, not with him so close. Just before the sunrise, he pressed a kiss on her forehead and left.

She didn't know what to think.

+

Their first big quarrel was over Lancelot. It was his birthday and like with the other knights, Gwen wanted to do something special for him. Arthur was less than impressed, especially when her preparations led to her missing one of the rare trips out of Camelot they did together, alone.

"You forgot?" Arthur's voice was a mix of incredulity and hurt. "We planned this trip weeks ago and you forgot because you were busy with Lancelot's birthday present?"

"I got caught up in it. I'm really sorry Arthur." And she felt really awful about it. It wasn't as if they had a lot of time to spend with each other and now, her thoughtlessness meant one less moment. She reached to touch him but he pulled away angrily. "I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you."

"If you rather spend time arranging Lancelot's birthday feast than spend time with me, just say so," Arthur snapped, turning away from her. "It's not like I don't know how you feel about him."

"How I feel about him? I feel the same way about him as I do any of the other knights. Don't be unreasonable Arthur."

He marched to the door, one hand gripping the handle tightly. "I'm not a fool Guinevere. Are you going to deny that Lancelot is not special to you? That you have no history with him?"

"And that is all it is Arthur, history. If you're going to be like that, then there's no reason for us to have this conversation."

Arthur sulked for a day and a half, refusing to speak to her and almost refusing to attend the birthday feast. She herself felt a mixture of hurt and anger at his uncalled for jealousy. In the end, it was her who made the first move, to reach out to him. She barely got out the words before Arthur had dragged her into a tight hug and whispered apologies of his own.

"I was wrong. I am a fool and I should never have doubted you." The words were murmured against her hair and Arthur never said anything about her and Lancelot again nor did he ever give any indication that he didn't trust her since then. He said nothing when she spent the whole night crying after Lancelot’s death, holding her for hours as she sobbed over Lancelot.

+

He half expected Merlin to be disappointed and angry with him, but it seemed that Merlin was carrying as much guilt as him. The day after Gwen was brought back to Camelot, Merlin walked into his chambers serious and troubled.

"What are you going to do about Morgana?"

Aside from Gwen's well-being, that was the issue that plagued him. 

"We need to find her at the very least." 

"Do you have a plan?”

Arthur sighed. As more and more time passed since her last attack, he had reduced the number of men sent out to look for her. If she was willing to leave Camelot in peace, he was willing to leave her in peace. As it happened. he had been incredibly naive. His father was right - you couldn’t just leave magic be. 

"No I don’t,” he confessed and he cringed at the disapproval in Merlin’s eyes. “If you have a suggestion, spit it out.” His tone was harsh and he berated himself again. Merlin was not to blame for the current state of events. The only person to blame was him.

As if reading his thoughts, Merlin placed a hand on his shoulder and said quietly, “no I don’t but I think that it’s about time that we start seriously thinking about how to draw Morgana out.” 

He nodded. He would have to step up patrols at the very least. He could not allow Morgana another chance to attack Camelot, because that was what her actions against were - an attack against Camelot. She was cruel, knowing well just how much going after Gwen would destroy him. 

“How is Gwen?” 

“She’s healing well.” Merlin’s hand left his shoulder and he turned away, refusing to look at him and Arthur didn’t blame him. He could barely face himself.

“Have you told her?”

“Shouldn’t you tell her yourself?” 

+

He let the arrow fly, smiling with satisfaction when he heard it hit flesh. Mithian’s glee at his success only served to make him feel even better about himself. After the past few trying weeks, it was nice to be appreciated.

“No. No. You -” He could hear Merlin in the distance, where the deer was, and he sighed. Merlin was always a soft touch. Once Mithian caught up with him, he walked with her towards the deer. It was a beautiful deer and would make a good meal for dinner.

“Merlin!” He yelled when he spotted some movement ahead. 

“Arthur Pendragon, my dear brother.” From behind the trees came the last person he ever expected to see.

“Take the princess away,” he ordered, sword drawn. “Go!”

“Nice meeting you Princess. Perhaps you should stay and see what happens to the girls Arthur loved.”

His thoughts immediately turned to Gwen. His heart dropped.

“You see Princess. Your future husband here used to -”

He turned to Mithian. “Leave now!” The knights, reading the anger and fear in Arthur’s eyes, immediately bundled Mithian and left the vicinity.

“What do you want Morgana? I am so tempted to run you through right now for all you have done.” He raised his sword. “I don’t even care that you’re unarmed.”

She laughed, a cold, emotionless laugh. Then she raised her hand and suddenly, he couldn’t move.

“I don’t think so Arthur. Firstly, as you can tell, I’m not unarmed. Secondly, you probably want to listen to what I have to say first.”

“I cannot imagine why I would care about anything you have to say to me.” 

“Oh? But this is about your precious, little Gwen. You know, the one you exiled, leaving her alone in the dangerous lands outside Camelot? The one you just killed?”

“What?” Morgana was lying. The whole reason he exiled her was so he wouldn’t have to kill her. She must be lying.

“I turned her into a deer. How convenient for me that you were out hunting with the princess you’re trying to replace her with. There’s some irony there isn’t it? That to impress your new wife-to-be, you kill the one you gave up.”

No.

+

Gaius and Merlin took very good care of her but she knew that secrets were being kept. She didn’t know if she wanted to know those secrets. It must have been Morgana who hurt her. She remembered running from Morgana but her memories of how Morgana found her and why she was so close to the Camelot border were still vague and incomplete. At the edge of her mind, she felt that there was something important she needed to tell Merlin but she couldn’t place her finger on it. Perhaps it was for the best. None of those memories would be good. 

Arthur visited her every night and every night, she would pretend to sleep. So when Arthur opened the door to Merlin’s room in the middle of the day, she didn’t know what to do. Emotions warred in her and all she could do was stare in stunned silence as he walked into the room. She diverted her eyes as he came closer.

Lightly, he touched her hand as he sat down on the chair next to the bed before quickly withdrawing his hand. 

“How is your wound?”

“It’s getting better. I should be able to leave pretty soon, Sire.” She wanted so much to look at him, to see if he was well but she couldn’t. She didn’t want to see the pity in his eyes. It was generous of him to allow her into Camelot and she had plans to leave the moment she could. She couldn’t understand why he had to make things difficult by doing this. 

“Guinevere.” There it was, the way he said her name. It was a caress and it almost made her believe that he still loved her. But her friends from the kitchens had told her about Princess Mithian and how her reappearance in Camelot had caused the wedding to fall through. They thought it was romantic - proof that Arthur loved her. She found that hard to believe. “We need to talk.”

Hesitantly, she looked up at him. He was staring at her with sad eyes although he quirked a slight smile when their eyes met. Unable to find her voice, she nodded her head.

“Before I tell you all I need to tell you, I want you to know that I am very sorry for everything. I know words are not enough and I will do everything I can to make it up to you.”

“I don’t understand.” What did he have to be sorry for? Immediately the word “banishment” came to mind and she shook her head. That moment when he had proclaimed her banished from Camelot had been the worst moment of her life. She had been stunned that he would punish her so harshly but she understood. Or at least she told herself she did. After all, what kind of King would he be if he treated her differently from the others? 

A merciful one, the voice in her head whispered. As she often did, she ignored it. She had been wrong and she would pay the price.

He just stared at her for a while before he finally spoke again. “Your wound. Did Merlin tell you what happened?”

“No. There’s a lot they have not been telling me.” A sense of dread filled her and she wanted to tell him that she didn’t want to know. But she did. “I imagine Morgana attacked me.” She shifted a bit and Arthur immediately reached over to help her. It had been a long time since she had his arms around her and she couldn’t stop herself from shivering. He pulled away immediately. Why did that hurt so much?

“You were hit by an arrow.” He looked away. “An arrow I shot. I … I’m so sorry Gwen.” 

It took Gwen a while to fully comprehend his words. Arthur, the man she loved, the man she trusted, was the one who shot her.

“Why?” Did he hate her that much? Was he that angry that she had trespassed into his lands? On the pain of death, he had said. She was such a fool, thinking that his stance had softened, that some part of him still cared for her, that he was generous enough to let her stay because of her injury. “Why did you let Merlin heal me then? You should have just left me to die.” She knew her voice was raised but she couldn’t help herself.

“No. Please Gwen. Let me explain.” 

Tears were rolling down her face and she turned from Arthur, quickly dashing away her tears.

“Morgana had turned you into a deer. She had it all planned out - turn you into a deer as I was hunting. And it panned out. I shot you.”

She looked at Arthur and saw the tears in his eyes. Slowly, she raised her hand to wipe his eyes. He caught her hand and held on to it. “It’s not your fault,” she murmured, not pulling her hand from his. “You couldn’t have known.” 

“That isn’t all.”

She waited, her fingers entwined with his.

“Morgana, she came to gloat about me killing you. And then she told me -” Arthur stopped talking and took a deep breath. “She told me that the Lancelot that returned, wasn’t really Lancelot. And that he gave you a bracelet?”

“Yes. I threw it away.” 

Arthur’s hand tightened on hers. “It was enchanted. It was what made you go to Lancelot.”

She heard the words but for a moment, she didn’t know what they meant. And then, suddenly, it seemed like a veil had been torn from her eyes. All these weeks, all the suffering, all that she lost and none of it was her fault. She slipped her hand from Arthur’s and turned on her side, as painful as it was. 

“Guinevere.” 

“I need to be alone. Please.”

She felt him give her shoulder a squeeze and then she heard the door close. It was then that she let herself cry.

+

“We need to run away.” Gwen had burst into his room one day, frustration reflected on her face. “I can’t do this.”

Worried, Arthur dropped whatever he was doing and quickly went to Gwen.

“What is it?”

“The wedding. I can’t do it.” 

This was it. Having had time to think about it, Gwen was going to tell him that she didn’t want to marry him. 

“Can’t we just run away somewhere and get married quietly? Without all this hassle?” Gwen stepped closer to him, her hands on his chest, her eyes pleading.

Oh. 

“Why aren’t the maidservants helping you?” He settled himself back on his chair and pulled Gwen so she fell onto his lap. That earned him a light smack but he felt it was worth it, especially when she snuggled into his chest. 

“Oh they are. But there’s so many questions - purple or red? Do I want fish or game? What wedding gifts would I prefer? And the guests! I don’t know any of them. I don’t really care about the wedding Arthur. I just want to be your wife.” A slight pout formed.

“Mmmm,” Arthur nuzzled her neck, “I want you to be my wife too. But it’s a royal wedding and it’s only right that we have a perfect one.” 

“We? Then, tell me, do you want a purple colour scheme or a red one? Would you prefer roses or lilies? And how would you like to decide on the guest list?”

He stopped nuzzling her neck and stared at her. “Anything will do.”

“Ah, but it’s a royal wedding and every detail is important, my lord.” Her use of his title made him narrow his eyes before he dragged her head down to his and kissed her deeply. Her lips parted immediately, allowing his tongue entry and he smiled.

“Stop trying to avoid the topic!” It was a while later that she pulled away and tried to glare at him. 

“I’m not. I just want to enjoy having my future wife on my lap and at my mercy.” Again, he kissed her as his hands cupped her face.

She rolled her eyes but responded eagerly to his kisses. There was no more wedding talk for the next few hours.

+

He needed to hit something. Lingering outside the door, he heard Gwen cry and his own his heart tore. What had he done to her? She had never given him any reason to distrust her and yet the first moment he had reason to, he cast her aside without even giving her the benefit of the doubt. Nothing he could do would make up for all he had made her suffer. 

“How did it go?” Of course Merlin would be there, waiting for him.

“She’s inside crying. How do you think it went?” 

Merlin said nothing but walked with him back to his room, both deep in thought.

“We need to find Morgana and deal with her.” Entering his room, he flung himself on his bed, rubbing his temples. “She cannot be allowed to continue like this.” He may not ever be able to make up to Gwen all he had done, but at least he could ensure Morgana would never use her like this again, never harm her again.

For a moment, Merlin looked as if he was about to say something. Then he simply picked up some of Arthur’s clothes and began putting them away.

“You have an idea?”

“There is a traitor in the council. If you go to the council with your plans, you’ll never succeed,” Merlin stated flatly.

Arthur sat up and watched Merlin, the tension in his body and the anger written on his face. He remembered the attack by the mercenaries and how it was obvious someone had leaked the information to his enemies. He remembered questioning his uncle about it and falsely believing that it was Gaius who had been the traitor. In the end, he never found out who betrayed him. Guilt swamped him as he thought of all the people he had hurt and put at risk because of his inability to find the traitor.

“You’re right. We cannot risk the council knowing.” No matter what he thought of his uncle, there was no reason to not play it safe. 

“What do you want to do then?”

And that was the problem. How was he supposed to find Morgana when all his patrols had so far been unable to find her?

+

“You -” But there were no words to express the anguish, the guilt and the soul-ripping pain that flowed through him at Morgana’s revelation. Had he been able to move, he would have run her through with his sword but he was still trapped by her magic.

Morgana laughed coldly. “I would never have let Gwen take my crown. I should be Queen of Camelot. I admit it is a bonus that the person she loved most would be the one to kill her.”

“I will never forgive you for this.” It was easier to channel his anger to her than think about his own role in this.

He flinched when she patted his cheek. “My darling brother. You did this. Had you had more trust in your betrothed, then you would have realised that she would never have betrayed you. And you didn’t need to exile her. So really, you’re the one who left her to the dangers of the world outside the safety of Camelot. Killing her is really the least of your sins. Maybe you should think about whether you can forgive yourself.”

“Why are you doing all this?” The truth in her words pierced his heart and had he been able to move, he would most likely have collapsed into the ground in pain. 

“Why? Because I deserve that crown not you. You are just like Uther - selfish, arrogant, heartless. Just look at what you put Gwen through. Poor girl. The victim of your incompetence and selfishness.”

“Why didn’t you just kill me? Then you could have taken the crown. Why drag Gwen into this? She loved you so.”

Morgana laughed coldly. “She was a foolish girl who never knew her place. And I want you to suffer, the same way I suffered all these years.”

“You kill innocent people in your quest! How does that make you any better than any of us?”

Anger flared in Morgana’s eyes and her mouth opened. But before she could say anything, she was blasted off her feet. Arthur stared in shock.

Morgana scrambled up, her face pale. “Emrys,” she whispered, fear in her voice as she looked around desperately. Without a word or a glance, she disappeared.

From the trees, Merlin strode out and looked at Arthur. “Gwen is still alive.” Merlin walked away after making the pronouncement.

Suddenly Arthur felt the magic holding him immobile loosen and he fell to his knees. 

Merlin merely glanced at him before returning to Gwen. 

+

As foolish as it was, Gwen had harboured a sliver of hope that Morgana could be redeemed, that she would see the futility of her position and return to Camelot and somehow find a place in it. Never in a million years did she think that Morgana would use her so callously. 

There were too many emotions warring in her - relief, hurt, anger, disappointment, worry - and her thoughts were all over the place. And there was the physical pain of her wound. She had never felt so tired and defeated before, not when mother had died and not even when Elyan, in a fit of rage, ran away. It was almost tempting to give up, give into the pain and let it take her away. Her life was in shambles and she had nothing to live for.

Her friends’ visits didn’t help - not when they would come in groups and gossip carelessly. It was from them that she heard of how beautiful Princess Mithian was and how smitten Arthur had been with her. Of course, they hurriedly assured her, Arthur had quickly sent the princess away once she returned to Camelot. Surely that meant he still loved her. 

Gwen couldn’t help but think they were confusing love and guilt.

For the next few days, Arthur didn’t visit, not even in the dead of the night like he used to. In all honesty, Gwen didn’t know if that was a blessing. She still loved him, that was about the only thing she was sure of. But even so, for the first time, without the guilt of her actions bearing down on her, she was able to acknowledge how selfish and uncaring Arthur had been and how much his decision hurt. 

Yet, despite it all, Gwen was never one to give up, not on life itself, and so she started planning for her future after Camelot. When she left the first time, she had been ill-prepared and taken refuge in the first village to welcome her. This time, when she left Camelot again, she would be better prepared to rebuild her life. She was still a skilled seamstress and a competent blacksmith. With the right tools, she would be able to establish a living somewhere. 

When she asked Merlin to pick up some supplies for a basic sewing kit, he had balked, insisting that she would never have to leave Camelot again. 

“In all honesty, Camelot doesn’t feel like home anymore.”

“Gwen -”

“Please Merlin. If you consider yourself my friend, help me.”

+

Gwen always thought she was a good person. She wasn’t perfect of course but she did her best to do what was right and not hurt others. So faced with the reality of what she had done the night before her wedding, she was devastated. With one decision, she had completely destroyed whatever chance of happiness she had. Even worse, she couldn't understand why she did it. The trauma of the whole event must have affected her badly because she couldn't even remember making that awful, foolish decision. 

Packing was hard as her tears blurred her vision and the pain that wrapped around her heart made it difficult to breath. As she left, she saw Merlin standing some distance away but she pretended not to. It was difficult enough to leave. To speak to Merlin would make it even worse because he wouldn’t blame her, wouldn’t chastise her for throwing away everything she ever wanted. Instead he would be kind, hopeful and she couldn’t bear that. She deserved everything she got. She had been weak, succumbing to desires she couldn’t understand.

Everything she had not earned herself she left behind in her home, including gifts from Arthur and Merlin. The only thing she took was the ring Arthur gave her - a reminder of both the man she foolishly and callously hurt and a reminder of her sins. 

She wrapped her pain around her and walked alone for hours, thankful that no one was interested in her. 

+

The door opened and she looked up to see Arthur standing there. It had been three days since they last spoke. His eyes held a question and she nodded. Slowly, he pulled a chair to her bedside and sat down. He took her hand and for a while, they stayed like that. 

“How are you?” So many questions bound up in those three words.

“As well as I can be I expect.” She tried for a smile but it didn’t reach her eyes. Doing nothing for three days gave her a lot of time to think. Even with all the revelations, she wasn’t sure about where she stood with Arthur, how he felt about everything that happened. She still loved him but all the fears and insecurities she had about their relationship years ago had come flooding back.

“Guinevere, I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am that all this happened.”

The pain in his eyes tore at her heart and she instinctively reached out to cup him face, wanting to soothe his pain. “It is Morgana who should shoulder most of the blame. I never thought -” The thought of Morgana’s actions was still too painful and she could not finish her sentence.

Bringing a hand up, he covered her hand with his. “Guinevere, I -”

“Have you asked her?” Merlin burst into the room. Both of them dropped their hands.

“No,” Arthur snapped.

“Ask me what?” Something was going on that she was, again, not privy to.

Merlin stared at Arthur, hesitating.

“Just tell me. I’m tired of all the secrets.”

Releasing her hand, Arthur stood. “Merlin -”

“We need to deal with Morgana once and for all. And we need your help.” 

“I said I would ask her and I will,” Arthur interrupted, annoyance in his voice.

Too tired both physically and emotionally to deal with their petty arguments, Gwen sighed. “Just tell me what you need me to do.”

Darting a look at Arthur, Merlin quickly said, “You need to marry Arthur.”

Time seemed to stop for a moment. All she had ever wanted was to marry Arthur but now, when their relationship was so uncertain? When waiting in the wings was someone more suitable? When she wasn’t sure of his love for her? She looked at Arthur and saw the mix of frustration and anger in his expression and she wondered if he even wanted to marry her still. 

She watched as Arthur bundled Merlin out of the room and then realisation dawned on her. She was to be used as bait. 

+

“Are you out of your mind? Guinevere is your friend and you are standing there, suggesting that we use her to lure Morgana out?” Hadn’t he done enough to hurt Guinevere already? All he wanted to do now was to make sure she had everything she needed, everything she wanted. And if he wasn’t on that list, then he would accept it with equanimity.

“I don’t like it anymore than you do but do you have a better idea? Shall we do what we have done the past few years? Sit and wait for her to call the shots?” Merlin said with a mixture of exasperation and despair. “Gwen is stronger than you think.”

“So what if she’s stronger? That doesn’t mean we use her. And frankly, I’m in no position to ask anything of her.”

Ever since he revealed to her what Morgana had done, Arthur had not had the courage to see her again. He could not bear to go in and see the disappointment, or worse hatred, in her eyes. 

Merlin sighed. “At least give Gwen the choice. After all Morgana put her through, she should have a say.”

“You really think Morgana will appear when she finds out Gwen is alive?”

“Yes. She’s spent a lot of energy on trying to get rid of Gwen. Right now she believes that Gwen is dead at your hands. When she finds out otherwise and when she realises that Gwen is about to become Queen, the position she’s been craving, I’m sure she’ll make a move.”

It all sounded so sensible. So easy.

“Arthur,” Merlin’s voice softened, “Gwen still loves you. I am sure of that.”

“Maybe but that doesn’t mean she wants to build a life with me. Not after I - I said I loved her then I threw her out of the only home she knows the moment she did something I didn’t like. I’ve forgiven others for worse and I couldn’t extend that to her? What kind of person am I?”

“It was a terrible decision but it doesn’t mean you can’t salvage your relationship.”

Arthur laughed bitterly. “I wouldn’t want to marry me.”

For a while, Merlin said nothing. Then he said the words Arthur didn’t want to hear. “It doesn’t have to be a real wedding.”

+

Throwing Merlin out of the room gave Arthur the chance to collect his thoughts. When he had entered Guinevere's room, it was to do two things - check how she was doing and find out how things stood with them. But Merlin had to come barging in and forced the issue. When Merlin had mentioned marriage, the colour drained from her face and she looked uncomfortable. He didn't need her to say anything to realise that for now at least, that wasn't what she wanted. It hurt, desperately but he wasn't about to push her. Morgana could be flushed out some other way.

When he re-entered the room, she was sitting up and watching him warily.

"Will a wedding lure Morgana out?" 

Arthur swallowed. "That's what Merlin thinks." 

"I guess it lured her out once." Her voice was calm but she looked away, staring at her hands. 

"You don't have to do this. We can find another way." He itched to touch her, to soothe away the tension in her body but he didn't dare. So he stood, a distance from her bed, and waited.

"If I do this, we will be married?"

Merlin's words echoed in his head as he replied. "It doesn't have to be a real wedding."

"Oh." Never in his life had he ever wished so badly to know what was going on in Guinevere's head. Emotions flickered across her face and in her eyes but they disappeared as soon as they appeared and he could not fathom the thoughts behind them. She seemed disinclined to enlighten him, not that he blamed her.

Her next words were slow and painful. "If that's that case, then I'll do it. We'll fake a wedding and then hopefully we can stop Morgana once and for all."

"You don't have to do this."

"But I must or I will forever be haunted with the idea that I could have helped stop Morgana and didn't. Maybe when we finally stop her, we can move on with our lives." She turned from him again. "If you don't mind, I'm very tired." 

Move on with their lives.

As he reluctantly left her room, he couldn't stop thinking of her desire to move on. That sounded a lot like she was planning a life without him.

"Well?" 

"She agreed to a fake wedding."

"Arthur -"

"Tell me, you've spoken to her. Has she said anything about her plans in the future."

Merlin hesitated before he finally said, "She did ask for a sewing kit so she could ply her trade as a seamstress."

The pain in his heart hurt more than any wound he had ever suffered. "I see," he managed to croak out. "See that she has all she wants. As for the wedding, I trust you will make the arrangements. No one should know this is a fake wedding except for us, especially not the council. And keep Gwen away from it as far as possible."

+

For the first few days after Guinevere's banishment, Arthur fluctuated between anger, hurt and self pity. Everything had happened so fast and days after it, he still could not make sense of what happened. He understood Guinevere and Lancelot. He had seen the pull between them. Did they just start up their relationship again or had they been cavorting together behind his back? He didn't understand why Guinevere didn't just tell him. 

When his uncle said that Gwen was power hungry, using him to become queen, he nodded but he didn't believe a word. Gwaine was insistent that it was an error of judgement - that passion had overwhelmed her. The other knights avoided the topic. And he still couldn't understand how Guinevere could do something like that to him. The Guinevere he knew was honest and courageous. The Guinevere he caught making out with Lancelot was neither. How did these two people reside in the same body?

Later, when the pain and hurt became a dull throb in his heart, he started to miss her - her calm confidence, her willingness to listen to him, her quiet sense of humor, everything. He often caught himself saying something aloud, as if expecting her to be around to listen. He popped into guest rooms only to be bitterly disappointed when she was never there, making the bed or dusting the curtains. He picked wildflowers on his way back from patrols only to realize that he had no one to give them to. He wondered often about her - where she was and what she was doing. He wondered if banishing her was the right decision to make.

Leon and Percival quietly urged him to move on and when his uncle mentioned Princess Mithian and how an alliance with her would secure Camelot's claim on certain lands, he made the decision to invite her over to visit. It wasn't without bitterness that Arthur realized he was about to do what his father had wanted him to years ago - marry someone strategic.

+

His uncle’s response to the marriage was predictable. This time round, Arthur was even less inclined to make nice with him, his mind full with other more pressing concerns. So it was with great annoyance that he met the council at their demand.

“What is this about?” Arthur pulled off his gloves, dropped them on the council table and sat at the head. His unhappiness was clearly written on his face. 

His uncle spoke first. “We are concerned about your marriage. I understand you feel guilty over Guinevere’s injury but marriage is a long term commitment and as King, one you should not undertake lightly.”

He wanted to laugh. If only his marriage was a long term commitment. Instead it was a farce which would last until Morgana was dealt with. Then he would lose Gwen again. That thought sent an arrow of pain through his heart and all he managed was a grimace to the council.

“I appreciate your concern but I have put much thought into this. I love Guinevere. She will make a good Queen.”

“You were about to marry Princess Mithian a week ago.”

“And that was my mistake, which unfortunately cost us some land.”

“She betrayed you and she is back despite your orders! What will the people think?”

“The people will think that I love Guinevere, that we made some mistakes but we have worked through that. I was wrong to exile her and I am very lucky she has forgiven my actions. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I am marrying Guinevere. I hope to have your support but it will happen with or without it.” He stood up, a mix of feelings churning in him and stalked out of the council. 

One of them was a traitor, he reminded himself. 

+

"Would you prefer this design or this one?" 

It was difficult pretending to be enthusiastic about a wedding that was really a farce. Her wound had healed sufficiently that moving around, while uncomfortable, was not impossible. Briefly, she wondered what the seamstress was thinking having done this once before for her. She wondered what the rest of Camelot thought but really, it didn't matter. Not when she wasn't going to stay in Camelot for long. That reminder made her heart clench and she quickly focused her thoughts back on the seamstress who was looking at her with great anticipation, two dresses in her hands. One was the dress she had chosen previously. She chose the other one and slipped it on so the seamstress could make the needed adjustments. 

After the seamstress took her measurements, she quickly took her leave. As she left the room, Elyan walked in. Gwen tensed.

"Gwen, how are you feeling?" 

"Good. It doesn't hurt as much. Why are you here?" As concerned and caring Elyan had been since her return to Camelot, the distance that was always between them seemed to have widened. Hurt that unlike Merlin, he had avoided her since her banishment, she found herself unable to pretend that all was well between them now. Yet, he was her brother.

"Why are you doing this? You've only just returned and Arthur was just about to marry someone else. And suddenly, the two of you are getting married?"

"I love him." That at least was the truth.

"I know. And he loves you too but surely you two should wait a little, talk about things?"

She sighed. "I know what I'm doing. And whatever the consequence of my actions, I'll bear them. I won't ask you for anything."

"Gwen, I'm sorry I didn't -"

"I really don't want to talk about that period any more. Whatever happened, we have to move on. There is no point dwelling on the past." 

"I don't want to see you hurt again," Elyan took a step closer. "I know I've not been the best brother and I've let you down in many ways, but I do care about you."

Gwen couldn't help the tears that stung her eyes as she let her brother hug her. "Just promise me you won't forget me."

"What are you talking about Gwen? What are you planning?"

"Nothing. Just promise me." 

Elyan looked at her with concern and confusion in his eyes. "I promise."

+

This time, she felt like a spectator at her own wedding preparation - a far cry from how things were before.

Slowly she moved from Merlin's room back to her own house in the middle town. She was slightly surprised that her house was still there with everything as she last left them. Standing in the middle of her house, she looked around, memories of her past buffeting her. Her father cooking her dinner and nagging at her. Arthur staying over and taking her bed. Merlin hiding from Arthur. The three of them sharing a meal. Arthur proposing.

She laughed wryly. Who knew a simple girl from the middle town would lead such a dramatic life? Perhaps one day someone would write a poem about her - the girl who betrayed the king. A knock sounded and interrupted her musings. She looked at her door, wondering who knew she was home. Maybe it was Merlin.

"Guinevere."

It was Arthur and she was half-tempted to pretend she wasn't around. Since she agreed to the plan, she had not seen Arthur and frankly, it was mostly a relief. There was too much hurt and unhappiness when they were together, too many things to work out and too little time to. 

“Gwen? Are you alright?” The knocking increased in urgency and reluctant to alert her neighbours to the fact that their king was banging at her door, she rushed over to open it.

“Arthur.”

“Why didn’t you let Merlin help you move?” His eyes were full of concern. “You’re not fully healed.”

“It wasn’t much. Plus everyone is busy with the wedding and the plans.” She stood aside, gesturing for him to enter. 

“Thank you,” Arthur said as he pulled off his cloak, a sign he was about to stay for a while. Her heart started to pound and her throat suddenly felt dry. If he was planning to stay, that would mean he was planning to discuss them. She wasn’t sure if she was up to withstanding the heartbreak and disappointment. She wasn’t sure if she was strong enough to not beg him again to take her back.

“Would you like a drink?”

“Sure. Anything will do.” Arthur looked as nervous as her and strangely, that eased her own nerves. “Did you hear how Merlin fell into the well yesterday?”

“I did.” She couldn’t help the smile. “He says he’s alright though. When I saw him, he looked a little damp and smelled slightly bad but he seemed to be moving around fine.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Did he tell you why and how it happened?”

“Not really. He told me some story involving a bunch of rowdy kids.” She dropped her voice to a whisper. “But I think he was lying.”

“Of course. He’s always lying. I wonder what he is hiding. Probably nothing exciting though.”

They grinned at each other and for a moment, it felt as if all the troubles and distance between them had melted away. Arthur moved closer to her and she felt herself sway towards him. When he leaned over and his lips touched hers, she did nothing to push him away, instead she allowed his probing tongue access and slipped her arms around his neck.

They needed to talk but right at this moment, Gwen wanted to savour this closeness to Arthur, create memories she could dwell on in the future, far away from Camelot. Later, they would have all the time in the world to break up.

+

He missed this so much. Her body pressed against his, her arms around him. 

“I love you,” he murmured against her lips. “I love you.”

She reacted the way he feared. Her body tensed and immediately, she pulled away from him. What a fool he was, pushing her this way, forcing himself on her.

“I’m sorry. Maybe I should go.” 

As he turned to grab his cloak, she put a hand on his arm, stilling him. “No. No. We need to talk.”

She was going to tell him he had disappointed her too badly, that he had ruined whatever trust she had in him, that he had broken her heart and so she could not be with him. Over the past few weeks, Arthur had thought that as long as she never said the words, he could pretend they still had a chance. But now, now she was going to say them. She would be as gentle as she could of course but the words would still hurt.

Shakily, he sat on her small bench and waited. 

“Arthur, what you said, did you mean it?” 

“What I said?”

“Yes, about loving me.”

She didn’t believe he loved her. “Every word. I love you Guinevere. I always will.” He took her hands and to his relief, she didn’t pull away. “I know that I made some very bad decisions and I know that many of these decisions make it seem like I care nothing for you -”

“Arthur.” Her fingers pressed against his lips, stopping him from continuing. “In a way, we were both victims of Morgana.”

This was exactly why Guinevere was and would always be a better person than him. But despite the sliver of truth in her words, he knew that he had made choices that led them to this point, that led to her injury and suffering. Gently, he wrapped his fingers around her wrist and lowered her hand.

“And my actions only made things worse. I had no right to banish you.”

Guinevere looked away and he could feel the tension in her. Clearly the memory of his banishment was still taking a toll on her and once again, the guilt rose in him. She deserved better than him.

“You had every right. You are king.” The words came out quiet and sad, as if she didn’t really believe her own words.

“Do you really believe that?”

Her eyes sad, she looked up at him before answering. “No. I wish you had been more merciful. My whole life was here in Camelot. And I thought -” Her voice faltered and she turned away.

“You’ve never shied away from telling me what you think.”

“I thought - I believed that you were better than your father.”

And it was that that broke him - that he ruined her faith in him. His eyes closed, as if that would ward away the pain that curled around his heart. 

“I’m sorry. I should have been stronger but I mistook cruelty for strength. I thought only about myself and my hurt and not you.” 

It took her a while to respond. “It hurt,” she whispered, “I thought you cared for me.”

There it was again - her doubts that he cared for her. It was little wonder she was looking to leave again. She had believed in him for years and in return he threw her out. Quietly, he replied, “I do. Very much. I let my pain obscure it but I will never let that happen again. I don’t blame you for not believing me or trusting me again. You’ve been more than gracious about my mistakes. Whatever happens, you are welcome in Camelot.” He remembered Merlin’s words. “But if you feel that you cannot stay, if I have ruined Camelot for you, then I wish you all the best and whatever you need, just ask.” He could feel his heart breaking and the tears at the back of his eyes. But this was for the best - letting her go. This way, she could find someone more deserving, someone better.

“I hate that you banished me. I hate that Morgana set all this in motion. But all this is done now. You weren’t to know that my feelings for Lancelot were not real. And despite it all, I still love you.”

Hope blossomed in him and Arthur tentatively took her hands, relieved when she didn’t pull away. “What can I do to make things right? How can we work this out?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know if we can make any of this right.”

And the hope he held briefly slipped through his fingers together with her hand. 

+

The next few days were busy. Between resting as Merlin demanded and trying to fix up her home, Gwen spent a lot of time contemplating her future. Although she had told Merlin that Camelot no longer felt like home, it was a lie. Being back in her small home gave her comfort and security that she hadn’t known in a long time. 

“Flowers?” Merlin popped his head around her door, a bunch of wildflowers in his hand which he thrust at her.

“Thank you. Will you stay for dinner? It looks like it is about to rain too.” 

“No, sorry. Arthur is still busy with his plans and well, for some reason, wants me there yet refuses to listen to anything I say. I just came to see if you were ok.”

“I’m fine. You don’t have to come every day. Elyan and Gwaine already popped by.”

Merlin sat at her table and smiled. “We are all glad to have you back.”

Gwen said nothing as she busied herself with putting the flowers into water. She didn’t know if she was glad to be back in Camelot. It was familiar and comforting but it was also full of regrets and bitter memories. 

“Have you thought about whether you’ll stay?”

Gwen stilled. “I don’t know Merlin.”

“We all want you to stay. Arthur too. He still loves you.”

“I know. But I don’t know if love is enough. Can we change the subject?”

Merlin stayed a while and they chatted about mundane things. For a few minutes, Gwen forgot about the mess her life was and simply enjoyed being with her best friend. Perhaps she would be able to rebuild her life here.

Closing the door after Merlin left, she turned back to her chores. After so many months of neglect, her home was in a mess. Last night, after Arthur had left, she dusted the place but there was still so much to do. 

The knock came as she was putting her dinner together. As she predicted, the rain and the wind lashed at her windows and she wondered who would brave the bad weather to visit. Perhaps it was Arthur, she thought, anticipation building in her despite their relationship’s uncertain status. 

“Arthur. I thought -” Her heart stopped when she realised it wasn’t Arthur at her door. 

“Gwen.” Slowly, her visitor dragged the hood that obscured most her face off, but Gwen already knew who she was. “Don’t look so afraid. I’m only here to congratulate you on your upcoming marriage, Queen Guinevere. I guess you now have everything you ever wanted.”

She pulled herself straight. She would not allow herself to be cowed by Morgana. “What do you really want Morgana? Are you here to kill me again?” 

“No. Not today. When I kill you, I will make sure Arthur is there to witness it. It would be just the thing to break him.” Morgana said the words casually, as if she was asking Gwen to pass her some water. Gwen shivered. “I just thought I’d show you just how easy it is to get to you and all you love.”

It took all she had to remain where she was, not to retreat to her house and slam the door. “Why? We used to be friends. Why are you doing this?”

“I just want what is right fully mine - the throne. I want to avenge my people who died in the hands of Uther. And in the process, if I can inflict a little of the pain that Uther put me through on others, then that’s just a perk.”

“Arthur is not Uther. He never executed a single magic user since he became king. Talk to him. He loves you. We can work something out.” Gwen stretched out a hand, imploring Morgana to accept her peace offering. 

Shaking her head, Morgana took a step back and pulled her hood back up. “He is more like Uther than you think Gwen. Don’t forget how easily he exiled you, with no regard for you. Arthur hates and fears magic the same way his father did. He will never allow it in Camelot.”

“You are wrong about Arthur. He has made bad choices but that doesn’t make him a bad person. And what about us?” Gwen could hear the desperation in her voice, the need to know why the mistress she adored could so easily turn her back on them. “Do our history mean nothing to you?”

Something flickered in Morgana’s eyes before they turned cold again. “It’s too late now Gwen. I’ve chosen my path and you have chosen yours. Go, tell your beloved Arthur that I’m here. He might think that his knights can stop me but his fear of magic has left him in a very vulnerable position.”

The moment Morgana disappeared from sight, Gwen dragged on her cloak and dashed to the castle, ignoring the pouring rain that soaked her thin clothes and shoes. 

+

“Come on Gwen! Don’t be scared! The rain can’t hurt you.” Morgana called from the courtyard as she twirled in the rain, her pretty green dress soaked through.

Gwen shook her head. Maybe the rain wouldn’t harm Morgana but if she got her dress wet, it would be ruined and she knew she didn’t have enough money to get herself a new dress. She would have to sew one and that would take ages. 

“Gwen!” Morgana was getting impatient.

“I can’t! My dress will get wet.”

Morgana huffed and stopped jumping around. “I’ll give you one of mine then. Don’t be such a spoil sport!” Quickly, and before Gwen could get away, Morgana grabbed her wrist and yanked her into the rain. 

Gwen sighed. But when Morgana laughed and stuck out her tongue at her, she pushed away her annoyance and ran after her mistress.

“You shouldn’t worry so much Gwen,” Morgana said later as they were being punished for playing in the rain. “See, nothing really bad has happened. And if anything does, I’ll always protect you. Like now. It’s just 2 hours in the dungeons.”

“Always?” Gwen smiled. Morgana wasn’t like the other nobles in the castle. She never treated Gwen as if she was invisible. How did she get so lucky?

Morgana flopped onto the floor of the dungeon and tugged Gwen down with her, entwining their fingers together. “Always. We’ll be friends forever.”

+

There were too many plans in his head. First there was the general security plan for the wedding he shared with his council and his uncle. Then there was the other one , the one conceived in sneaky late night meetings in the tavern with his trusted knights and Merlin. Only tonight, with the rain pouring down, the meeting was conducted in his room, disguised as a party to celebrate his upcoming nuptials. 

Arthur was exhausted. He only hoped that all the plans they had painstakingly put into place would succeed and they would be able to deal with Morgana once and for all. And maybe then, Camelot would finally be able to heal and start anew. He would be able to heal and start anew, hopefully with Guinevere.

“Arthur!” His door slammed open and a soaking wet Guinevere rushed wildly into his room. “Morgana -”

Immediately, he grabbed his sword and looked around outside his chambers. Determining the coast was clear, he turned to Guinevere. 

“Are you ok?” 

“Yes, yes.” Her teeth was chattering and she looked like a drowned rat. “I’m fine.”

Poking his head out of the doorway, he yelled, “Merlin!” Towels. He must have towels somewhere.

“They are probably in your cupboard. Towels.” Gwen shivered.

“Yes right.” And of course she was right. Dragging out a large towel, he wrapped her in it and rubbed her down, just as Merlin came rushing into the room. 

Ignoring Merlin, he pulled Guinevere into a hug and kissed her hair. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“What happened?” Merlin threw himself into Arthur’s favourite chair, easily ignoring the fact that Arthur was more interested in Guinevere’s well-being.

“She’s here. Morgana.”

Arthur tensed. “Morgana is here?”

Clutching the towel to her, Gwen nodded. Fear and anger rose in him but he tried to remain calm. He needed to think. 

“What did she say? Did she hurt you?” Merlin demanded, jumping out of his chair and guiding Gwen to it instead.

Shakily, Gwen sat down as she answered. “She said she just wanted to show me how easy it was to get to me.” 

“Magic,” Arthur murmured. “There’s no way you are staying at your house tonight. Merlin, get the knights here. It’s obvious we need to rethink our plans. And get some hot water for Gwen.”

Merlin nodded and dashed out of the room. He watched Gwen dry herself with the towel and sighed. What he would give so she didn’t have to be involved in all this. 

No one got any sleep that night.

+

"Sire, your uncle has arrived." Gregory, his manservant, muttered before bowing and taking his leave.

Eagerly, Arthur dropped the book on courtly behaviour his father had insisted he read and dashed to the main hall. His 18th birthday was approaching and knowing his uncle, he would come bearing a gift for him. At his last birthday, he received a gorgeous white horse. He wondered what his uncle would do this time.

“ - stop this. The only reason I welcome you here is because you are Igraine’s brother.”

“Don’t think I don’t know -”

The discussion came to a stop when Arthur entered the room. 

“Arthur! You have grown!” His uncle grinned at him.

“Uncle. Father.” Although there was only them in the main hall, Arthur was careful to observe court protocol. 

“You uncle is here to wish you happy birthday.” His father sounded less than pleased but that was to be expected. Nurse Kathy said it was because his uncle reminded his father of mother.

“Thank you. I appreciate the effort.”

His uncle reached out and ruffled his hair, laughing. “There’s no need to stand on ceremony with me. Shall we take a walk to the gardens? We have a lot to catch up on.”

As they walked, Arthur regaled his uncle with tales of his adventures as a full-fledged knight. Like always, his uncle showered him with praise, telling him that he would be a better King than his father. Arthur couldn’t deny that he liked the praise but it always felt like a betrayal to agree that he would be a better King than his father.

The present turned out to be a heavily bejewelled knife. It was more decorative than weapon but Arthur accepted it happily, especially when told it was something passed down his mother’s family. He never knew her but things like this allowed him to keep her close. People like his uncle too made Arthur feel like he knew her, telling him stories of his mother, stories his father refused to speak of. He learnt she loved red roses, moonlight and pheasant. She did a lot of tapestry while she was pregnant with him and he was the child she always wanted. In Arthur’s head, his mother was patient and kind and she would love him, whether or not he was the best knight. 

“Remember Arthur. If ever you need anything, all you have to do is ask. I will always be here for you.”

+

Arthur had barely nodded off in his chair when someone was banging on his door.

“Merlin!” he croaked only to notice that Merlin was sprawled haphazardly on the ground. Instead, it was Gwen who stumbled off his bed towards the door, his covers draped over her shoulders. Groaning, he stood up as well.

“Sire! Oh I’m sorry. My lady. Someone tried breaking into the vaults last night. We found a body outside.”

Things just kept getting worse. Instructing Gwen to wake Merlin and join him at the vaults, he immediately followed the guard, dread pooling in his stomach. His uncle was already there.

“Arthur! This man was caught trying to break into the vaults. He resisted and was killed.” Agravaine rushed over, concern written all over his face. “He failed but we should check nevertheless.”

At this point, Merlin and Gwen arrived. Arthur could feel the tension that rose at their entrance. The two of them hung back, Gwen watching warily, pulling her shawl tightly across her shoulders as Merlin glared at Agravaine.

“I know you’re busy with the wedding preparations. If you give me the keys to the vaults, I will check that everything is in place.” 

“But -” Merlin jumped into the conversation.

“No, Merlin.” Taking the key off his belt buckle, Arthur passed it to his uncle. “Thank you for your assistance. I trust you will investigate this breech.”

“Of course.” 

“Well then. I will leave you to it. Merlin, get breakfast ready for Gwen and I.”

+

In the weeks that she had been back in Camelot, something had nagged at the back of her mind. Standing there, watching as Arthur trustingly handed over the keys to the vault to Agravaine, her memories came hurtling back. Morgana had a partner in Camelot - Agravaine. When she glanced at Merlin and saw his tense posture, she knew that Merlin knew as well. So why was Arthur kept in the dark? 

She didn’t want to think it but the thought floated into her mind nonetheless. Despite it all, despite their loyalty over the years, Arthur didn’t really trust them the way he unconditionally trusted his family. Her heart sank when she thought about how easily he could turn his back on them and her sudden awareness of hers and Merlin’s position in the castle. It was so easy to fool herself into thinking that because Arthur loved her, he would regard her as more than a servant. 

She and Arthur walked back to his room in silence. The moment Arthur closed the door, he turned to her. “Say it. I know you have something to say.”

Bitterness that she didn’t realised she still harboured rose in her. “I fear that if I do, I might be charged with treason.” She regretted her words the moment they left her mouth. Hurt was written all over his face.

“I deserved that,” he said, then smiled wryly. “Tell me. I know my promises are worthless to you but I promise no matter what you say, I’ll not charge you with treason.”

“It was unfair of me to say that.”

Arthur just shrugged but pain still clouded his eyes and despite it all, Gwen wanted to touch him and make it go away. Instead, she swallowed and answered his initial demand. “When I was exiled, I stayed in a small village. It was attacked one day and I was taken captive -”

“What? Who captured you? Did they do anything to you?”

“Arthur, listen. This is important. Your uncle is in league with Morgana.”

He took a step back but said nothing, his body tense. Gwen was certain he was about to say that she was mistaken. Then he let out a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. “I had hoped he wasn’t.”

“You suspected?”

Nodding, Arthur slumped into his chair and gestured for her to take a seat. Before she could ask him anything else, Merlin returned with breakfast. Merlin still looked angry as he slammed down the tray of food and announced breakfast flatly. 

“Merlin,” Arthur sighed. “Gwen has information.”

“I think he already knows. The traitor is Agravaine.” 

Gwen watched as the tension eased out of Merlin. “Finally.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think you would believe me. You haven’t been very good at listening since you became king.” Bitterness seeped through Merlin’s voice and Gwen looked sharply at him. How long had Merlin known?

Gwen watched Arthur closely, seeing the hurt than the despair that crossed it. He slid lower in his chair and closed his eyes. Merlin looked at her. Tentatively, she touched his shoulder. His hand shot up and held it as he looked up at her, then Merlin. 

“I owe the both of you an apology. You are right. I’ve been listening to the wrong people.” Arthur stood, determination on his face. “We will deal with Morgana first. And it’s clear she plans to enter the castle through the underground vaults.”

Merlin nodded. “Perhaps you giving Agravaine the keys was a good idea after all.”

“She has magic, Arthur. Your swords may not be enough.”

Arthur took a deep breath. “Perhaps we need to fight fire with fire. There is an old sorcerer who lives around here. Perhaps it is time to pay him another visit.”

“Maybe I should go. I don’t think you made a very good impression on him before,” Merlin said.

Gwen looked at the two of them, worry in her heart. Magic had corrupted Morgana, caused the death of her father. Would it destroy Arthur and Merlin as well? But Arthur was right. How else could they stand up to Morgana?

+

“A jousting tournament? In my honour?” Gwen wasn’t quite sure how to react. Arthur was looking at her like he had just given her the best present in the world and she really wanted to respond in kind. Like many others, Gwen enjoyed the regular tournaments but to have one held in her honour, as her engagement present seemed rather - over the top.

“No?” Arthur’s face fell slightly although he kept the smile.

“I just -”

Picking her hand up, Arthur caressed her palm. “Do you know why I chose this?”

“Because you want glory?” She teased as she leaned into his side. “I have heard that you’re one of the best.” Her free hand crept up his chest, feeling him chuckle.

“I admit the prospect of winning is appealing. But no, I chose it as a tribute to how we started.”

Gwen couldn’t help the smile that blossomed on her face. Trust Arthur to think of something like that. “I thought that might be the case. Although my recollection of those days are of an arrogant, selfish prince who lied to me.”

She felt Arthur kiss the top of her head. “Mmm. True except I think you made that arrogant, selfish prince a little less arrogant and a little less selfish. And I would never lie to you again.”

“One can hope. But at least he was a good kisser.” Tilting her head up, she grinned at him. Understanding her perfectly, Arthur slanted his lips against hers, gently pulling her closer to him.

+

Later that evening, after secret meetings to discuss strategy, Merlin left to speak with the sorcerer. With Merlin gone and the knights off on duty, it was just him and Gwen in the room. Wrapped in her shawl and looking forlornly out of the window, she looked so vulnerable and again, the regret and the pain of what he had done overwhelmed him. 

“Guinevere.”

“If I don’t come back, I want -”

She crossed over to him and shook her head. “No, Arthur -”

“Let me say this, please. I’ve done nothing but bring pain and suffering to you all these years. For me, you suffered in silence and you’ve stood by me through all my mistakes. Instead of standing with you, I banish you the moment I thought you made a mistake. I want you to know I am truly sorry and that I love you.”

He wasn’t sure what he expected in response. Her forgiveness? Her comfort? When she turned back to the window, his heart dropped. It was nothing less than he deserved.

After a while, she began to speak. “I’ve been thinking a lot about Camelot, about you, about us the past few days. I wish I had never been enchanted. I wish you hadn’t banished me. But we can’t change the past.” Then she looked back at him. “I can forgive you Arthur - I think I already have - but I don’t think it is something I can forget. Can we live with that?”

“No. I don’t think I will forget my actions either and I probably shouldn’t.” He looked at her, a slight smile on her face, her fingers curling around his hands. “Does this mean -”

“I’m not marrying you tomorrow Arthur, if that is what you are asking. But, I think that maybe after we’ve dealt with Morgana and we’ve had time to talk more, then we can rebuild what we had.” She withdrew her hand from his and cupped his face. “We were happy once.”

“We were. And I promise you I will do almost anything to make you happy again Gwen. Even if that means leaving you because I was selfish before. I won’t be selfish with you again. And if I am, -”

Gwen placed a finger on his lips. “I know Arthur.” She tiptoed, leaned into him and brushed a kiss across his lips. “I love you, despite everything. Just, I’m giving you my trust and my heart again. Don’t make me regret it.”

“I won’t.” His snaked his arms around her, pulling her closer to him, smiling as she moved willingly. “I can’t say I won’t do anything wrong in the future, because you know I will but I will do my best. I love you Guinevere and I am sorry about everything.”

Finally she smiled, one devoid of pain as she stroked his cheek. “I think this is a good time for you to kiss me.”

He willingly obeyed. And for a while, everything was perfect.

Until Gwaine burst into the room. “Your uncle is on the move.”

He looked at Gwen, her face taut with worry. “This is it. I hope Merlin is on his way back with the sorcerer.” Grabbing Gwen and kissing her once more, he whispered, “I’ll be back. You have a sword and Gwaine will stay with you. Whatever it is, stay safe alright?”

She nodded. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He picked up his sword, exchanged a few words with Gwaine and left the room. 

This was the cusp of a new beginning, he thought, as he made his way to the vaults. Once this was over, he, Guinevere and Camelot could build a new and better future for themselves.

With that last thought in mind, he walked into the tunnels with his knights, ready to face Morgana and her army. 

_Epilogue_

Gwen lay in bed, enjoying the feel of Arthur’s luxurious sheets against her bare skin. Several months after their fake wedding, they finally had a real wedding. It wasn’t an exaggeration that the whole of Camelot gave a sigh of relief when the wedding actually took place without incident. 

“Good morning my Queen.” She felt Arthur’s arm creep around her waist and she smiled.

“Good morning.”

“It’s a brilliant morning. I think I like waking up and seeing you watch me.”

Laughing, Gwen snuggled into his chest. “I like watching you sleep. You look so innocent.”

“That’s because I am.” He nipped her ear before pressing kisses along her jaw.

“I think last night was proof you are far from innocent, my lord.”

“Mmm. Whatever you say, my lady.” He covered her lips with his and she giggled before giving as good as she got.


End file.
